Sexting and Cheating

As it applies to marriage, defines infidelity as:

  • Marital disloyalty; adultery.
  • Unfaithfulness; disloyalty.
  • A breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression.

In this new age of smartphones and texting, a new beast has arisen: “Sexting,” which is the “sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone.”

Sexting can be a great way heat up your romance, or keep a long distance romance sizzling.  But if you are in a committed relationship, could it also potentially be a quick way of ending it? I asked this question to Facebook users, and got a host of replies (though most pretty much boiled down to the same answer). “Is sexting cheating?”


Tyler B. shared one experience he bared witness to that involved sexting and a friend of his who had been married for about ten years… “One day he ran into this girl we went to high school with, they exchanged numbers and continued to keep in touch. Turns out they were sexting, even though the girl was well aware that he was married. The wife found out and now he’s divorced. Sexting is cheating, and the reason for its existence is to create an actual sexual encounter. What other reason is there for sexting?”

An overwhelming majority of the adults, ranging in age from 20 to 60, from Oregon to Florida, who answered this informal survey said that yes, it was cheating.  However, quite a few added some caveats, like Michelle S., 41, single from CA, “It’s cheating but not on same level as, say, sex outside the relationship. Like all things, if there is knowledge and consent from both parties it’s a totally different story.”

And Kara H from Durham, NC, who has been married for five years pretty much agreed with Michelle, but stated it a little bit differently. “Absolutely, it’s cheating. If you wouldn’t show your spouse the text, you know it’s wrong. If you have unmet needs, you need to communicate them and devise a plan to have them met. If you can’t communicate or devise a plan, seek professional help.”

Most people, though, like Annelisse B. 41, from Queens, NY, did not distinguish any gray area. LDR (long distance relationship), 3 1/2 months “100% Cheating. You don’t share intimacy with [anybody except] the person you are committed with. Sexting is an intimate moment.” Annelise has been in a four month long distance relationship with Chas S, 50, from Oregon.  Fortunately, they are on the same page! “Yes, it’s a shared level of intimacy outside your supposedly intimate relationship.”

Sexting has become pretty high profile lately, and that did not go unnoticed by Kim S., “Sexting brought down the corrupt Mayor of Detroit,” or Chad G. “[It’s] about how the relationship is defined… There are some freaky couples out there. Carlos Danger’s wife seems to deal with it ok.”

If you are in (what is supposed to be) a committed relationship and you feel like most of the people interviewed in this article regarding sexting, then finding out that your spouse is sharing intimate texts with another person will most likely make you feel hurt and violated.  This violation stems from the significant other’s sharing of an intimate part of themselves with another person in a deceptive manner.  Additionally, it is an emotional violation that could has the potential of leading to physical infidelity.

If you feel like your spouse or loved one has been intimate with another person, depending on your definition of infidelity, please contact us as soon as possible.  We will help set your mind at ease or get you the answers you are looking for.